Gyms are weird. I’m so painfully uncomfortable in them. All of my little psychoses kicked in to the point that I almost didn’t go at all. I’ve lost a bunch of weight but I’m far…far from being comfortable in my own skin. I changed clothes at work and headed over. I sat in the car for a minute and figured I’d just treat it like the removal of a well stuck band-aid and just go – I strolled in, swiped my membership card and asked the kid behind the desk to show me where the track was. (I’d toured last night but retained nothing)
The 1/12 mile track floor is rubberized and comfortable to walk on. It’s oval and the flow of traffic moves clockwise. The ends have banks, like the corners on a circle track (auto racing). There were some crowded moments and passing people can be tricky, especially if you’ve caught up with someone at the curve.
I walked from 4:15 till 5:30 – I have no idea how far I walked because the concrete structure made service on my phone cut out. No mileage tracking applications and no music either. I’m gonna have to figure a way to get my phone to work in there. My friend arrived just after 5:30 and we did 20 minutes on the elliptical and bicycles. The machines were in good shape. I’m exhausted. I over did it and will pay for it. I’m going to try and keep to a Monday-Friday routine at the gym and take the weekends off (or do something different, and not gym related)
So, its been a while since I’ve posted anything meaningful. I’ve been chugging my way through the holidays. I haven’t walked in 2 weeks. Last year I was out there every day…this year its different. There is snow. There wasn’t any last year. Also, I walk much faster, farther and longer than last year so all of that, mixed with snow and ice on the ground just screams injury. Tonight, I joined a gym. This particular establishment has an indoor track so I can get my walk on. It’s 1/12th of a mile, so I’ll be walking around 36 times or so. I can’t wait. I’m gonna hit it tomorrow after work with 2 friends who also joined. So, this is a new and exciting thing. I can’t wait to get moving and shed the rest of this damn weight. I’ve been maintaining pretty well but there’s still work to be done if I’m gonna hit my 100lb goal by march 12th. I can’t wait to critique my new gym. Stay tuned!
ps…sorry this post seems a little choppy. Im using the tablet. I dont think Im gonna do that again. Sometimes, ya just need a real keyboard.
I was having a discussion with a friend who is beginning a weightloss journey and the topic of ‘sharing’ information came up. I think that stuff should be kept to yourself. When I started this metamorphosis, there were only a handful of people that knew what I was doing and only one who knew my actual starting weight.
There is something gut wrenching about standing on a scale and seeing a number so high that it feels like…well…the end of the friggin’ world. Why complicate these already complicated feelings by telling people what you’re intentions are? The problem is that the road to hell was paved with good intentions. So that friend that now knows you’re on a weight loss mission is going to be watching you and judging you by the food you eat? “Are you sure you want to eat that?” Or, the ones that require company in their misery – “You’re gonna gain all of that weight back.” I say keep your shit to yourself until you feel completely comfortable dealing with the naysayers and good deed doers.
It’s your business. If you fail…which you might the first time or second time or third time out of the gate, the only person you will have to answer to is yourself.
I use my endomondo app to keep me honest. Before I had that, I used to take pictures and post them on facebook. People saw me posting pictures daily but didn’t realize why – it was my way of being held accountable without the world knowing that I was trying to lose weight.
Today was a very short walk. I always walk the exact same route; I know, I know… the safety people are cringing but I do it so often that I can just tell if I’ve walked faster by the amount of gasping for air I’m doing at particular locations. I know exactly where mile one, two and three will be. Today, I tried to mix it up. Instead of doing my usual clockwise loop, I tried going the opposite way. First, I forgot to put on my tracker. That always screws me up. I lose interest fast when I’m not being timed. Then, I picked the wrong music track and it was slower than usual, so when I went to change it, my phone slipped out of my fingerless gloved hands and fell on the ground. The case broke apart, and I had to gather them up before moving alone.
I move on and then notice a quarter of a mile later that I once again, forgot to put on my tracker. I put on some bouncing music and just plain old walked (vs. flailing) to my mile marker. I don’t think I even broke anything resembling a sweat. As I’m jammin’ along to ‘Groove is in the heart’ I have this weird compulsion to dance walk. It’s bad enough that I have become one of the people I used to poke fun at, with all the arm swinging, action packed walking maneuvers but I wonder what kind of rubbernecking would ensue if I started walking, spinning and gettin’ low whilst walking in the morning. I never did give into my compulsion and almost feel bad about it now. I think it’d be so much fun – especially with a group of people. Perhaps I’ll start a Hampton Beach, dance walk movement.
Thanksgiving has passed and I walked away with a 5 pound gain, two of which I’ve lost this week. There is almost no remnants of Thanksgiving left in the house. The last of the pie was eaten last night and the turkey carcass was turned into soup. Things will get back to normal around here. I was glad to get back to work. When it comes to controlling food consumption, it’s much easier for me to handle it at work vs. home. I pack my food for the day and that’s that. Really, by the time I get home I’m so tired that I don’t care about eating.
I was feeling a little bad about the weight gain but had an epiphany which gave me better perspective. I made it to thanksgiving. I tend to start my weight loss missions in January – not for any resolution, but because it’s tax refund time. I would always have the money to buy whatever foods I needed to get cracking. The longest I’d ever made it was to May before unraveling. Its November. I’ve been successfully dieting and exercising for almost a whole year. I’ve lost over 70 pounds and still plan to be down a hundred by my birthday come hell or high water. So, a crummy holiday weekend will not take away from all I’ve accomplished this year. In addition to weightloss, I’ve been smoking an E-Cigarette for ONE YEAR this month. No tobacco at all this year. After thirty years of smoking over a pack a day… that’s huge. Then, toss in my recent college graduation, full time position at work and I would say that 2012 was a pretty big year for Mary Croteau.
So, it’s like this. I was going to figure out how many calories I ate yesterday. I sat down here a few minutes ago and calculated the calories in my date bread recipe. Much to my absolute shock, well… I basically ate an entire day’s worth of calories for breakfast yesterday. I had no idea. So, if I do some quick mathing in my head, yesterday was at least a 5000 calorie day Probably upwards of 7000. I have zero self control when it comes to sugar. I did go for a 2.5 mile walk after dinner yesterday – not a fast one but I went out anyhow. Today, I walked my usual 3 miles and hauled ass to boot but I will have to go out quite a few times to make up for my absolute fuck up yesterday.
I’d love to share some wisdomey insight with you but all I have to say is, “Do the best you can and we’ll see how it all turns out on Monday.”
I’m going to try to behave but…it’s thanksgiving and we’re the go-to house. Food is in abundance. I suppose it’d be interesting to count calories today. I think I’ll do that.
I’ll have to start with a piece of home made date bread. *sigh*
This week I switched shifts. I’d been working the noon to 8 shift for a while and now I’m officially a day shift person. As far as my walking schedule was concerned, I still went out in the wee hours of the morning even though I could have slept in. I’m glad I did that or I’d be in big trouble now.
I have to leave for work by 7:00 so I must get in the walking, breakfast and lunch preparation along with putting myself together very early. I’ve found that if I leave for my walk by 5, than I have time to sit back for a few minutes and have a cup of coffee. This morning, its a cup of coffee and this blog entry. =)
I gotta tell ya, going out this week wasn’t something that I was amped to do. I think it sucks that all the gung-ho is gone. I wake up, get dressed to go walking and stand at the door and try to imagine reasons why I should turn around and go back to bed. They’re never good enough. Once I’m out there I’m fine but it’s the getting out the door part that’s been sucking. I think the colder it gets, the more arguing I’ll be doing with myself.
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.” – Dolly Parton
If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - 3 stooges
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If you picked "Lose weight" as your new year resolution, are you still losing weight? I say BOO to new year resolutions. Resolutions can be made any time! So lets start a SPRING resolution to get healthy! Lets GO!
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